be sure to check out Joan's latest on her website:

be sure to check out Joan's latest on her website: (usually she updates her blog every Sunday evening but she can and will surprise you) **Special Note: all of Joan's archives are now up--almost ten years of 'bitter girl.' As Joan says, go wild!**

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Keys to the Griffon Kingdom

I promise this will be the last pony story I post.  Unless I change my mind. (All artwork by the exceedingly vivacious and talented Eugenia of Italy-- . Go check out her stuff--immediately!)

Rainbow Dash flies to the Canterlot castle at top speed; she knows both Princesses and all her friends are there, waiting for her and her report.

As she breaks through the lower cirrus stratus clouds, she recalls the conversation with Gilda that had precipitated this whole predicament, a few weeks ago:

“Glad to hear things are working out for you ponies,” Gilda had casually remarked that day as they both flew together after R.D. had regaled her old friend with tales of Princess Celestia’s triumphant return. “Wish I could say the same for us Griffons.”

And from there Gilda went on, detailing her country’s sad woes and hard times, all stemming from a power struggle after their king’s untimely recent demise—their king, who had also been Gilda’s father.

After Dash finishes her story, in the wake of the silence that envelopes the group, Celestia draws up. “All right,” she begins. “Here’s what we’re going to do: I will write a royal communiqué, asking for conveyance over their land. Rainbow Dash, you and another Pegasus will pose as ambassadors from Equestria. You two will learn all you can at court and we will assess then.”

“What’s a communiqué?” Carrot Top crossly queries the room.

“What’s a conveyance?” Pinkie Pie inquires at nearly the same time.

Celestia holds up a royal hoof for silence. “All a communiqué is is a letter—it’s a fancy letter from one head of state to another. Conveyance is a pass. All you’re asking for is safe passage for our Pony Army over their land.”

“What Pony Army?” is Luna’s petulant contribution to the proceedings. “We don’t have any kind of an Army.”

“Then you and Twilight will have to assemble one; coordinate with the Captain of the Guard and Doctor Whooves,” Celestia blithely tosses off. “This is our chance to expand our kingdom; the stake is large and we must gamble for it. Any questions? Yes Dash.”

R.D. lowers her hoof. “Who’s the other Pegasus that’s going with me?”

The Princess briefly glances around the circle and stops on the first pair of wings she spies. “Fluttershy.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Shy quietly responds.

“You will accompany Rainbow Dash on this diplomatic mission,” Celestia details. “We will monitor your progress from here. Good luck.”

“Thank you, Princess,” F.S. replies after exchanging looks with R.D.

“What’s up with Tia?” Twilight ventures to Luna as they regroup after the meeting is over.

The Dark Princess shrugs. “Don’t know—never seen her this aggressive. I thought the ponies lived in peace with the Griffons.”

“Guess not any more,” Twi observes with the same gesture. “So where are we going to get an army from?”

“I don’t know,” Luna admits. “The factory?”

“Then who’s going to work at the factory?” Twilight in turn demands.

“Twi, I don’t have all the answers,” the Princess snaps at her paramour. “Let’s just do what she said—get with your brother and the Doctor and see what they say.”

“All right,” T.S. capitulates. "Let's see if we can pry Shining Armor apart from Cadence for two minutes."

At the same time, Rarity commiserates with Fluttershy. “Why did the Princess choose me?” she asks the marshmallow white unicorn in obvious fright. “Why am I going with Dash?”

“Shy—calm down,” Rarity counsels her friend. “Take a deep breath. You’re making far too much out of this. The Princess chose you because you’re another Pegasus—that’s all. And she trusts you. All you’re doing is delivering a letter and looking around. No big deal.”

“Easy for you to say,” is F.S.’s exasperated counterpoint. “What if something happens? What if we need instructions on how to proceed?”

R.D. and A.J. exchange shrugs in their shared circle. “She has a point,” Apple Jack allows. “Maybe we should ask the Princess when she gives you the letter.”

“Good idea,” Dash agrees. “I’ll take care of it Shy—don’t worry.”

“All right,” a visibly relieved Fluttershy also concurs. “Thank you Rainbow.”

“No problem.”

When Celestia hands Dash the letter and R.D. repeats Shy’s concern, the Princess sighs a royal huff but nevertheless produces a device that she assures them will solve the problem. “I have only one of these, so who do I give it to?” She approaches Dash and assesses of her, “Your mane’s too short. Fluttershy—I guess you’re elected again. This will fit unseen in your ear and you’ll be able to hear me.”

“Thank you Your Highness,” is Shy’s heartfelt relief in gratitude after they test it and it works as advertised.

“Happy?” Rainbow Dash inquires of her counterpart once they’re out of earshot of the others.

“Yes,” Shy pronounces. “I’m ecstatic. When do we leave?”

“Right now,” R.D. barely gives utterance to before she takes off with Fluttershy in hot pursuit.

“Well, they’re on their way,” Twi observes from the castle balcony as she and Luna watch. “Think this is such a good idea?”

The Dark Princess lowers her eyes before she speaks. “Tia knows best.”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Twilight agrees.

When Dash and Shy arrive at the Griffon royal court, Celestia’s letter is cause for much amusement at the ponies’ expense:

“So Princess Celestia of Equestria craves a conveyance over our land for their Pony Army?” the Griffon King Claudius asks in high theater to his assembled audience. “What Pony Army? Maybe she’s gone soft in the head; delusions of grandeur and that sort of thing. Happens to the best of us. What does every Griffon think?”

As the crowd takes the bait and begins yelling catcalls and making general noises of derision, the ponies in the castle watch via the main viewing portal in increasing irritation. “They’re laughing at us!” Pinkie Pie observes in rising indignation and a sneer in her voice. “They’re not laughing with us—they’re laughing at us!”

Celestia swings her visage toward Luna and Twilight. “Well?” she very nearly bellows at them.

Twi lets Luna take this. “Well what Tia? How are we supposed to create an Army out of thin air?”

T.S. intervenes, embarrassed. “What Luna means Princess is that we haven’t decided yet which factory to draw most of the members of this proposed army from.”

“What difference does it make?” Celestia explodes in impatience. “We need an army, and we need an army now. We needed it yesterday. So pick one—how about ‘eenie meenie minie moe?’”

“That sounds good—O.K. we’ll do that,” Twilight hastily responds. “Come on Luna—let’s get that blueprint that my brother and the Doctor already worked out on the structure.”

After they leave, the Princess is still smoldering. “Which factory,” she repeats under her breath. “Which factory indeed. Whichever one isn’t producing as much revenue as the others—good garden party. Do I have to do everything around here?”

“No Your Highness,” Pinkie speaks up from her place. “That’s what you have all of us loyal subjects for.”

“Wonderful,” is the Princess’s dejected reply.

Luna reenters the chamber. “Tia, you’re not going to believe this but—”

“Hi Tia,” Discord announces after he bounces into the room.

“Discord!” the Princess exclaims in animated enthusiasm. “You have chosen the most propitious moment to return.”

The Master of All Chaos looks worried. “I have?” he tentatively inquires.

“Absolutely,” Celestia assures him, rising to appraise how he's changed. “How would you like to be the General of our new Pony Army?”

Discord regains something of his previous nature as he patently dismisses this out of hand. “Army, shmarmy. Why should I help you?”

“Because, my pet—we’re in kind of a jam at the moment,” Celestia purrs to him in response. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

The tall anthropomorphic figure nevertheless remains skeptical. “How?”

“I’ll let you design your own uniform--among other privileges, shall we say? Hmm? Ow--Pinkie Pie, stop throwing things at me! I told you before I don't like that.”

“Oh, I get to wear a uniform?” Discord incredulously inquires while also ignoring Pinkie and her antics merely to get her goat. “Well, that makes all the difference—why didn’t you say so to begin with?”

“Because I just thought of it,” Celestia confides as she pats Discord on the shoulder. "Now get going—we don’t have a whole lot of time to waste; Miss Rarity will assist you.”

"Yes, Your Highness," the marshmallow-white unicorn promptly responds.

“Boy—you sure are bossy today,” Discord observes even as Rarity is busy with her tape measure.

“Not just today—every day,” is Celestia's apt rejoinder even as she successfully sits on a still jealously raging and sputtering Pinkie Pie, who keeps repeating something about chocolate rain and how she wants some right now.

Back in Griffonland, Fluttershy turns to Rainbow Dash after the King’s audience participation ritual. “Well, what do we do now?”

Dash shrugs while momentarily grimacing. “I don’t know—we’re supposed to be looking around. To find out what we can find out.”

Gilda approaches both of them once all the other Griffons split after the King and Queen depart. “Hey, you guys aren’t leaving yet, are you?”

R.D. affects an indifferent attitude. “Well, we may have other jobs to do back home. Why?”

Gilda gestures. “There’s a play tonight; you two ought to stick around for at least that.”

Rainbow defers to Fluttershy on this score. “I guess one more day isn’t going to make much difference,” Shy allows at length. “What’s the play about?”

“It’s called The Mousetrap," Gilda replies as a parting shot. “You’ll like it—trust me.”

Once they’re alone again, R.D. asks the ambient air, “Well, Princess? What are our instructions?”

F.S. listens as Celestia’s voice intones in her ear, “The play. The play’s the thing—wherein Gilda will catch the conscience of the King.” Shy nods as she relates to Dash, “We’re staying.”

That evening, when the performance falls apart, Dash and Shy search through the crowd to find Gilda, to ask what’s happening. “Can’t talk now,” Gilda explains. “Gotta go.”

Dash turns to Shy. “Princess?” R.D. asks the incorporate air around them. “What do we do now?”

F.S. nods as she receives her instructions. “We’re hanging here,” Shy relates to Rainbow. “The Princess says something’s going on.”

“What about our Army?” R.D. follows up with. “What’s the latest on that?”

After F.S. gestures in the same manner as before, she expostulates, “An advanced guard is on its way—with General Discord.”

“General Discord?” Dash incredulously repeats.

“That’s what the Princess says.”

“Something is rotten in Griffonland,” Rainbow observes with her eyes widening. “The dice are rolling.”

“Then we need to get out of here,” Fluttershy, wide-eyed herself, expresses in panic.

“Shy—you need to hold it together,” R.D. warns the other. “We have our orders—this isn’t a vacation. We can’t just leave if we don’t like it.”

“I know,” Shy assures her more stable counterpart. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be scared.”

“You can be scared all you want—just don’t show it,” Rainbow Dash informs the other Pony ambassador. “You show it and we are dead.”

“I hope you don’t mean that literally.”

“We’re playing with the big kids now, Miss Fluttershy,” R.D. continues while shaking her head. “Now if you want me to do all the talking—that’s fine. You can be the strong and silent type. But if you show fear, you’re going to let the Princess down. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Shy snaps at Dash. “It isn’t. O.K. Dash—you win. Thanks for the talk.”

“No problem,” Rainbow responds. “That’s what friends are for.”

When Discord arrives with his Pony Honor Guard, he gives the Griffon King enough smart remarks for the King to take Princess Celestia’s letter seriously. Afterwards, Gilda advises Dash and Shy that there’s going to be a sword duel that will decide everything. So they stick around for that.

During the duel, a fight breaks out and in the pandemonium Dash is hurt. “Don’t worry about me,” R.D. advises Shy from the floor. “Just stay in the game.”

“Right,” Shy acknowledges.

Then suddenly Griffons are dying left and right, including the King, the Queen and tragically, horrifyingly Gilda, whose last words, as if straight out of some sudden glorious epiphany, are, "Fluttershy. She has my final vote. The rest is--silence." The Pony Army arrives just in time thereafter.

As all Griffon eyes turn to her, in as strong and clear a voice as she can muster, Fluttershy repeats as Celestia tells her, “Today I embrace my fortune. I have some rights of memory in this kingdom, which I will now exercise. Griffons, if you desire a strong and able leader, then crown me queen and I will rule this land as long as I live.”

The Griffon ambassador reluctantly replies after looking around at the assembled court, or rather what little’s left of it, and subsequently out the window to see what he perceives as a Pony Army of occupation, “Your Majesty, it shall be so.”

“What is this freaking horse hockey?” Pinkie Pie roars in honest astonishment as the assembled ponies view the proceedings from afar.

“She didn’t even want to go,” Rarity incredulously and histrionically contributes from her place. “And now she’s Queen of the Griffons for life?!”

"This isn't any kind of horse hockey, Pinkie Pie," Princess Celestia archly informs the pink-maned pony.  "This is history in the making."

“Go Shy!” Twilight Sparkle in contrast is shouting as loudly as she can while alternately gesturing for Luna to join her and pumping her fist in the air to punctuate her remarks. “Go Shy! Do it! Do it do it do it! Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Flut Ter Shy! Freaking do it girl! You are the Shy, you are the Shy, you are the Shy that we’ve been waiting for! Yes you are! Yes you are! Uh-huh, uh-huh.” Repeating over and over and over again.

Princess Luna picks it up as well. “Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Queen for life! Yes indeed! You go girl! Make us proud! Do it do it do it!”

As the crown descends on her dreamy flowing mane, Shy can hear all the ponies, even Celestia, join in the chants and cheers, as the jubilee spreads throughout the Griffon crowd. She smiles broadly in excitement and accomplishment, even as she wields her new sapphire-and-diamond studded scepter, the ancient paragon of royal Griffon power. She is fortune’s hostage, every pony’s heart’s desire; she is Queen Fluttershy, Monarch of the Griffons.

Dear Princess Celestia--

I've been thinking about what you said, that time we were alone, about us being intimate, and if you're still interested, I am too.

Your Faithless Student,

Twilight Sparkle

Twi wakes up while it's still dark out; she can hear her paramour softly breathing, not the deep rasping of nocturnal slumber indicating REM. She rolls over in bed and kisses her newest sweetheart on the cheek. "Tia," she whispers ever so softly in Princess Celestia's ear. "Are you awake?"

"I am now," Tia responds in equal tones of amorous desire and royal testiness. "Don't tell me you're still in the mood."

"Luna's going to get back soon and we can't let her know," Twi explains in a rush.

"Twi, you needed worry your pretty little head about it," Tia tosses off after rolling over, looking up at the other, her dreamy flowing hair tousled against the crisp white linen of the royal embroidered pillow. "I've it all worked out; she'll never suspect a thing; let alone find out about us."

"How many other foals have you had up here and pulled this same stunt with?" Twi asks while smiling in the darkness, the thought of a successfully scheming Princess Molestia endlessly seducing young maid after young master bringing improper mirth to her blossoming imagination.

Here the normally glib and loquacious Princess who's never at a loss for words doesn't answer right away as the proverbial cat's got her talented tongue and it takes some time for Twi to realize how deeply her new lover is now in fact blushing. "Tia," she continues incredulously in a rush. "You can't have been a virgin, untouched, all these years--can you?"

"Some day, my sometime faithful student and now my one and only true and endless love, you'll understand how much work being a princess and running a country as diverse as Equestria is; Flutters is lucky. Griffonland is a piece of cake," Tia kindly elaborates while making a elegant flip of her hand, as apparently Discord doesn't count; not to the Princess, anyway.

"So you're not jealous of Shy being a Queen while you're only a Princess."

Tia strokes the other's golden lustrous hair as she patiently explains, "Twi, my sweetest darling, my mother was Queen; I could never take her place even though I now run the show. I honor her memory every day that passes that I don't have myself crowned just to satisfy my own vanity."

"And you're not jealous, of me and Luna?" Twi inquires in wonder, more in the tone however of dawning epiphany rather than an aggressive interrogative.

"No," Tia simply replies. "You make Luna happy, something I couldn't do, apparently." She sits up in bed quickly enough for her heart-rendingly beautiful ample pink-nippled breasts to sway and bounce in tandem toward the direction of her forward motion. "I sent my own sister to the moon; I banished her for a thousand years. How do you think that makes me feel?"

For an answer, Twi sits up in bed also, her smaller budding breast buds pressing against Tia's in their embrace. Twi can feel Tia's softness tip with desire and her own nipples reacting the same way, as both sets of her warm glistening lips part to reveal the deepest hollow of her frank but turgid desire. Twi reciprocates with her own slender graceful elegant hand inside Tia after the teacher prepares her student for the ultimate lesson in fulfillment: the best gut-screaming orgasm money can't buy.

Outside, flying into Canterlot air space, the full harvest moon's warm spring glow over her shoulder, Princess Luna, the Dark Empress of the Night, hears echoes of a sound roaring from the highest castle tower, a rapture she partly recognizes but mostly doesn't. "Oh well," she sighs to herself in resignation to the truth, that even the Darkness can be in love with the Light. "At least some ponies are enjoying the night."

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